Empowering LGBTQ+ parents: allyship and advice
Interviews
Megan Caulkett, Head of Operations at Compass Group UK&I, spoke to myGwork about her journey to parenthood. Sharing advice for first-time LGBTQ+ parents and a perspective on workplace allyship towards LGBTQ+ parenthood, she explains why having a network of support is a vital part of the process.
Hi Megan, thanks for chatting with us - tell us a bit more about yourself.
My wife Nicki and I met just over 8 years ago, and spent the next 3 years exploring the world together. We both took a sabbatical in 2019, and travelled around Australia, New Zealand and Sri Lanka and whilst travelling, we spoke a lot about starting a family. So, when we returned, we began the journey of trying to figure out how this could happen. As we started our journey to parenthood. I think we were a little naive and very soon realised we were completely out of our depth. We didn’t have anywhere to turn to, and so had to ‘google’ what the steps to becoming a parent as a same-sex couple would look like.
Once we had some idea of where to go next, we realised again that the process is not to be underestimated. Finding a fertility clinic that you like and has good results is one thing, finding a donor is quite the task and understanding compatibility was a whole new thing for us. From monitoring to procedures to the countless appointments and cost, it can become quite overwhelming. In our case the one thing that made the complicated process a little easier for us, was the support of the business to be given time to see doctors and the many sessions of monitoring. At times it felt a little daunting and then trying to explain to my colleagues what was going on, without giving too much away was a bit challenging, especially since in a heterosexual couple conceiving naturally don’t have to explain that they are trying to start a family.
Thankfully, having colleagues who were empathetic and didn’t put pressure on knowing everything and allowing us some privacy really helped. Without that support, I have no doubt that things wouldn’t have been as they were, and that it helped us in what was a challenging time, it could even be said that we may not be where we are now! We understand that our experience is also very different to some of our LGBT friends who have gone on this journey, and whilst skipping past some of the more difficult challenges that starting a family comes with, Nicki gave birth to our Daughter Olivia in 2020, and using the same donor, I gave birth to our cheeky son Alexander in 2022.
What are some tips you would give first time LGBTQ+ parents?
- Recognize that everyone’s journey to and during parenthood is different, don’t compare your little family to others.
- To the non- bio parent, some days can be hard, when you are questioned about who the biological parent is, because to you it’s irrelevant, they are your baby. Be kind to yourself and know that this isn’t usually done to make you feel irrelevant, you are just as important and mean everything to your child/children.
- Take time to share your experience with colleagues, being a first-time parent is a big leap, its life changing, and you go through a whole range of emotions as you embark on this new journey. People love hearing about all the firsts, and I’ve found that in most cases are really supportive to give advice back.
- Get a network of people going through the same process, these people become your allies and confidants in most cases. Because you’re going through similar processes, you have something uniquely the same, and this really helps when there might be little bumps in the journey or celebrations at big milestones.
- Join a network like NCT or similar, the things you learn about welcoming a new baby are scary and wonderful. You’ll be surprised how those first few months can be quite wonderful and daunting at the same time. This network of people is usually due around the same time, and because invaluable in navigating all the firsts.
What advice would you give to people in the workplace who want to be allies to LGBTQ+ parents in their organization?
Be curious, and do not assume. Ask questions even if they feel uncomfortable and encourage the wider teams to do the same. Ultimately you are dealing with people who are going through the same emotions and growth as anyone else, with slightly more complexity to the journey, this can be tough and lonely, be available to talk and be flexible to give time out from doctors’ appointments and treatments.
